Cracked.com, hands down one of the best sites on the Interwebs, has another brilliant entry today, 9 Foreign Words the English Language Desperately Needs. I'm going to learn how to pronounce and spell each and every one of them, and begin using them immediately, but I'm especially pleased to report that the the word ranked Number One is Finnish.

I have some modest, once-removed pride in that, since we have a number of Finnish friends (Erik was here visiting just last week). And also because I am one of the Finnish word, pilkunnussija. I'll let you look it up, just to keep the language here G-rated. But I am one, oh yes I am. At least in my mind. I don't always, or even usually, say it out loud, but I am one. I correct the grammar of TV characters. I support the Apostrophe Protection Society with all my heart. And I judge everything you write. Everything.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go phone a kaelling before I get down to some shemomedjamo.

TV is my life

Well, it apparently kind of is my life, in that we watch a lot of it. That's kind of how Rich and I spend time together in the evenings, sitting in the living room, him usually casually browsing on his laptop and me knitting, watching TV at the same time. Yes, I know, it's mindless and vacuous, and has no doubt rotted our brains and dulled our faculties. And, yes, I know that you, yourself, don't even own a TV. That's true of all the better people with finer minds. Still, that's how we roll.

For about 15 years, we've had Replay TV. It's a Tivo-type thing, but a different brand, and it was pretty cool in its day. It was the cause of a lawsuit over "commercial skipping" software: all three of our Replay machines have this handy setting that allows them to jump from black screen to black screen in a recorded program, thereby (usually) jumping over all the commercials in a break. Handy. But, alas, the Replays' time is past. It's only SD and is no longer supported. The machines themselves are starting to wear out. The Replay in the living room, for example, periodically resets itself whenever we try to scroll the program guide up (it's okay with down).

The programming that comes into the Replay boxes comes from DirecTV. We have phone service and FIOS Internet from Verizon. So our choices were pretty much going to be DirecTV DVR service or Verizon FIOS TV. I started comparing.

I read all of DirecTV and Verizon's online info. I made phone call after phone call after phone call. I got salespeople to look at our accounts and give me the actual, exact, specific price we would see on our monthly bill.

(One interesting side note, for what it's worth: in doing all this, I discovered DirecTV had been making a small billing mistake for years. Well, actually, they discovered it. At the same time, I questioned Verizon about a small charge for a feature that appeared to be—and, in fact, was—included in our package. They acknowledged that it should have been included in the package price. DirecTV credited our account with the $220 they had overcharged. Verizon agreed to stop overcharging us in the future.)

Anyway, I did endless research, comparing features and finding out what equipment and service we'd have to get from each one of them to replace what we have now. I talked to countless Verizon and DirecTV employees, some of them knowledgeable, some completely clueless. I made charts comparing features and prices. I talked to Rich and came away with new questions, triggering another few rounds of phone calls. After two months of this, it boiled down to this:

• We both like DirecTV better.
• Verizon would cost $3800 less over the next three years.

Thirty. eight. hundred. less. Staggering, no? It's such a dramatic difference because adding TV to our existing Verizon service, with all the deals we'd get, only added about $35 to their bill. Going with DirecTV service, itself reasonably priced, meant we'd also still be paying the separate Verizon bill. So there you go. Decision made. Service installed. Happy ending. Except the Verizon DVRs don't do what Verizon said they'd do.

I only thought I was done.

Today I'll be talking to Verizon to see if there's a way we can get it to work. And talking to DirecTV, begging them to reduce their price so we can consider them again. Mostly, I'll be trying to take care of a household matter that I've been working on for TWO FREAKIN' MONTHS! I keep thinking I'm done with it, and it bounces right back.

TV is my life.

I love that Wandell guy, too, or, a happy note in a dismal game

Just about the only highlight worth mentioning from last night's lackluster performance by the Dallas Stars (love you guys, but, really…) was the couple of times Los Angeles Kings goalie Jonathan Quick (yes, really, Quick, and Daryl Raugh proclaims it the best goalie name in the NHL) got startled by Dallas Stars #23, Tom Wandell. The puck had been shot around the boards in LA's zone when no one was particularly near, and Quick leisurely swung behind his net to play the puck, as goalies are wont to do. Two times, though, as he was hitting the puck, he looked up and appeared to be startled by the fact that Wandell had suddenly appeared right in front of the net.

(For you non-hockey-fans, this is not a good thing for the goalie. If someone on the opposing team manages to get a hold of the puck he just played, the guy in front of the net is in the perfect position to tap it into the net—which the goalie left unprotected when he wandered off to play the puck. And because he's behind it, it takes him a few seconds to get back in place.)

Wandell magically "appeared" at the net because he's fast. I think (I have no research to back this up) he's the fastest skater on the team. When the puck flies down the boards and everybody take off after it, it takes about three strides for Wandell to be out in front. He's fast.

I noticed two times when Quick actually appeared to jump a little bit when he looked up and saw Wandell right there. After the second time, I'm guessing Quick thought, "Note to self: look for #23 before I do that again."

I love that Wandell guy!

And while we're talking about hockey, kudos to the Stars' marketing department for suddenly developing a sense of humor. The last two bobblehead night promotions have been great! (They showed a funnier version of the Jamie Benn spot at the game last night, though, that has him at the end, deciding not to shave.)

Steve Ott bobblehead:

Jamie Benn bobblehead: