Cracked.com, hands down one of the best sites on the Interwebs, has another brilliant entry today, 9 Foreign Words the English Language Desperately Needs. I'm going to learn how to pronounce and spell each and every one of them, and begin using them immediately, but I'm especially pleased to report that the the word ranked Number One is Finnish.

I have some modest, once-removed pride in that, since we have a number of Finnish friends (Erik was here visiting just last week). And also because I am one of the Finnish word, pilkunnussija. I'll let you look it up, just to keep the language here G-rated. But I am one, oh yes I am. At least in my mind. I don't always, or even usually, say it out loud, but I am one. I correct the grammar of TV characters. I support the Apostrophe Protection Society with all my heart. And I judge everything you write. Everything.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go phone a kaelling before I get down to some shemomedjamo.

TV is my life

Well, it apparently kind of is my life, in that we watch a lot of it. That's kind of how Rich and I spend time together in the evenings, sitting in the living room, him usually casually browsing on his laptop and me knitting, watching TV at the same time. Yes, I know, it's mindless and vacuous, and has no doubt rotted our brains and dulled our faculties. And, yes, I know that you, yourself, don't even own a TV. That's true of all the better people with finer minds. Still, that's how we roll.

For about 15 years, we've had Replay TV. It's a Tivo-type thing, but a different brand, and it was pretty cool in its day. It was the cause of a lawsuit over "commercial skipping" software: all three of our Replay machines have this handy setting that allows them to jump from black screen to black screen in a recorded program, thereby (usually) jumping over all the commercials in a break. Handy. But, alas, the Replays' time is past. It's only SD and is no longer supported. The machines themselves are starting to wear out. The Replay in the living room, for example, periodically resets itself whenever we try to scroll the program guide up (it's okay with down).

The programming that comes into the Replay boxes comes from DirecTV. We have phone service and FIOS Internet from Verizon. So our choices were pretty much going to be DirecTV DVR service or Verizon FIOS TV. I started comparing.

I read all of DirecTV and Verizon's online info. I made phone call after phone call after phone call. I got salespeople to look at our accounts and give me the actual, exact, specific price we would see on our monthly bill.

(One interesting side note, for what it's worth: in doing all this, I discovered DirecTV had been making a small billing mistake for years. Well, actually, they discovered it. At the same time, I questioned Verizon about a small charge for a feature that appeared to be—and, in fact, was—included in our package. They acknowledged that it should have been included in the package price. DirecTV credited our account with the $220 they had overcharged. Verizon agreed to stop overcharging us in the future.)

Anyway, I did endless research, comparing features and finding out what equipment and service we'd have to get from each one of them to replace what we have now. I talked to countless Verizon and DirecTV employees, some of them knowledgeable, some completely clueless. I made charts comparing features and prices. I talked to Rich and came away with new questions, triggering another few rounds of phone calls. After two months of this, it boiled down to this:

• We both like DirecTV better.
• Verizon would cost $3800 less over the next three years.

Thirty. eight. hundred. less. Staggering, no? It's such a dramatic difference because adding TV to our existing Verizon service, with all the deals we'd get, only added about $35 to their bill. Going with DirecTV service, itself reasonably priced, meant we'd also still be paying the separate Verizon bill. So there you go. Decision made. Service installed. Happy ending. Except the Verizon DVRs don't do what Verizon said they'd do.

I only thought I was done.

Today I'll be talking to Verizon to see if there's a way we can get it to work. And talking to DirecTV, begging them to reduce their price so we can consider them again. Mostly, I'll be trying to take care of a household matter that I've been working on for TWO FREAKIN' MONTHS! I keep thinking I'm done with it, and it bounces right back.

TV is my life.

I love that Wandell guy, too, or, a happy note in a dismal game

Just about the only highlight worth mentioning from last night's lackluster performance by the Dallas Stars (love you guys, but, really…) was the couple of times Los Angeles Kings goalie Jonathan Quick (yes, really, Quick, and Daryl Raugh proclaims it the best goalie name in the NHL) got startled by Dallas Stars #23, Tom Wandell. The puck had been shot around the boards in LA's zone when no one was particularly near, and Quick leisurely swung behind his net to play the puck, as goalies are wont to do. Two times, though, as he was hitting the puck, he looked up and appeared to be startled by the fact that Wandell had suddenly appeared right in front of the net.

(For you non-hockey-fans, this is not a good thing for the goalie. If someone on the opposing team manages to get a hold of the puck he just played, the guy in front of the net is in the perfect position to tap it into the net—which the goalie left unprotected when he wandered off to play the puck. And because he's behind it, it takes him a few seconds to get back in place.)

Wandell magically "appeared" at the net because he's fast. I think (I have no research to back this up) he's the fastest skater on the team. When the puck flies down the boards and everybody take off after it, it takes about three strides for Wandell to be out in front. He's fast.

I noticed two times when Quick actually appeared to jump a little bit when he looked up and saw Wandell right there. After the second time, I'm guessing Quick thought, "Note to self: look for #23 before I do that again."

I love that Wandell guy!

And while we're talking about hockey, kudos to the Stars' marketing department for suddenly developing a sense of humor. The last two bobblehead night promotions have been great! (They showed a funnier version of the Jamie Benn spot at the game last night, though, that has him at the end, deciding not to shave.)

Steve Ott bobblehead:

Jamie Benn bobblehead:

Gratitude

I went to the oncologist today. I'm now on an annual appointment schedule, instead of semi-annual, and that feels like a very big deal to me. I think after five years I was officially considered cured (I'm at six-and-a-half now), but this is still a milestone, if only in my mind.

When you go to the oncologist and you're not very sick, you become very aware of the other patients in the waiting room, people who are very sick. I went first to the Breast Center, where I overheard staff members on the phone with patients who are deep in the middle of treatment, explaining the procedure for starting radiation therapy and scheduling appointments for consults with the surgeon and transferring calls to the chemo room. All that was before I went in for my quick breast exam, during which the oncologist and I chatted about the economy and our New Years resolutions. Then I went upstairs to the general oncology office to have my routine lab work done. As I got on the elevator, a woman approached and I held the door for her. She was obviously very sick and feeling terrible, shuffling slowly toward the elevator. I didn't have to ask what floor. I knew which office she was going to — the same one as me, only I walked easily to it and knew the "worst" thing that was going to happen to me in there was one little stick when they drew my blood.

Grateful. Grateful, grateful, grateful! And aware, all day, of how very, very fortunate I am.

Really, the jokes alone will be worth it

Yu Darvish. Texas Rangers. $60 million. Sixty. million. dollars. If they have to make that up through our ticket purchases, at $9 a pop (we really only go on promotional half-price-ticket nights), it's going to be a long, long haul.

But, really, the jokes about his name—all the many, many little puns and word plays—will be worth it.

The Rangers want Yu.
Yu did it!
Wash looks to Yu to pitch the seventh.
Who's on first? Yu. What…?

(And maybe a Whirling Darvish or two, just for variety.)

That's right. We're going to have our own version of Who's On First.

I'm not sure it's worth that kind of money, but I am looking forward to it.

I love that Mark Fistric! (Yeah, it's a hockey post.)

Mike Heika, with the Dallas Morning News, blogged today:

Mark Fistric will be a villain tonight. That's just how they do it here in Nashville.

The Predators like to call the town Smashville, Jordin Tootoo is one of the most popular players here, and the fans are generally very aggressive toward the opposition with chants and jeers. When Tootoo was suspended five games in 2007 for hitting Stephane Robidas in the face, Mike Modano took the brunt of anger from the fans.

Modano was knocked down hard on a clean hit by Tootoo in that game, Robidas rushed to his defense and was sucker-punched by Tootoo, and Modano slashed Tootoo from behind in response. Still, Tootoo was the only one who was suspended.

Here's the video from that game.

Nashville fans were irate that Modano was not suspended for his slash (and for not fighting his own fights), and they let him know it for the next five or six games, booing every time he touched the puck.

When Fistric was told the story, he replied, "They'll have to boo quick, because I don't touch the puck that much."

For those of you who don't follow hockey, or Dallas Stars hockey, Fistric is a 25-year-old defenseman, led (with his wife) the Stars' Movember effort (to raise money for research on, mostly, prostate cancer), jokes with his team mates about not needing anyone to make a bobble head of him because he's his own bobble head (apparently they feel his head is on the large size), has a shy smile and comes across as a really nice guy.

And sometimes he's kinda funny with the press, too.

I love that Fistric guy!

Hey, look! We got the candle up!

It's in our front yard, secured to one of the larger pine trees (you might be able to just make out the trees in the background). It's 25 feet tall, and people driving down the street tend to slow down. I didn't do that great a job arranging the lights in the flame this year. They're threaded through some 1/2" hardware cloth on a frame, and I think next year I'm going to set aside an entire afternoon to getting them the way I want them, then fasten down each and every little light, once and for all.

But it's done. And it's up. That, plus wreaths on two doors and a little 3' tree. We're decorated!